Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Second Guessing

We have come to the conclusion that academically, we would be able to provide our daughters with an equal, if not better, education at home.  At least through middle school.

But then they come home from school yesterday and tell me how they made the class laugh.  Or how they connected with a certain child.  Or how someone was really nice to them.  Or I get a kind, glowing email from one of their teachers...and I wonder...is school an important part of their development?  They seem to have these in-school personalities that I am not aware of-but am nonetheless proud of.

I am sure that there are both positive and negative things that go on in their day that I am unaware of.

I have been poring over Homeschooling Curriculum websites.  I find the Writing Strands and Reading Strands programs to be very interesting.  I think it would be fun to alter our day to include my husband in Reading Strands.  I like the Horizon Math program and I like the idea of a more traditional program like Modern Curriculum Press Math.  I have used the MCP Phonics and Spelling in the past and those are the programs that I used as a child and I think I may use them again.  At least the Phonics.  I like the idea of doing a spelling program where the children also look up the definition of the words in the dictionary and learn the list as vocabulary as well as spelling.  I find unschooling interesting, but know that my personality is such that I need more control over the Language Arts and Math, but I think that we would try unschooling Science.  I found some very interesting Latin classes for children and I think that would make them so much stronger in vocabulary and spelling and reading.  I am excited by these possibilities and the opportunity to expose my daughters to these things.

But then I wonder if I would be hard enough on them.  I wonder if getting an A from your mom would carry the same confidence booster as getting an A from a teacher.  I wonder if they would learn enough, take it seriously.  My father has already said a million times that it will damage my relationship with the girls, they will grow to hate and resent me.

I have been reading books and blogs and although they do help my confidence, I am also left thinking that although I am a reader, I struggled through Middle English lit in high school and quite frankly, I don't want to change my music listening to all classical all the time.  I wonder if I am smart enough.

I wonder if we have enough money to do this.  While we are saving for college, it has always been in the back of my mind that I would return to work full time to better afford college.  If I do that when Allie begins college, Piper will still be in high school.  Can I work full time and homeschool her?

Jason thinks I think too much and that we don't know what the future will bring, we need to do what is right for us RIGHT NOW and trust that the rest will fall into place or we will adapt.