Saturday, June 2, 2012

What else have I been wrong about?

Relationships take work.  Sometimes people's feelings get hurt.  Sometimes we don't say what we feel, what we mean.  We are afraid of being hurt or ridiculed or making ourselves look bad.  Sometimes we are going through something that we really don't want anyone to know about.  Or, we look at someone's life and we think, oh, I could never, ever tell them my problem.  Sometimes that person may be someone with whom we were so, so close at one time and now their life just seems so perfect and we are hurting so bad and we just can't let them know...we want them to think we are doing as well as they are.  We want them to think you have your act together.

I have been doing some soul searching and praying about some relationships.

My mom always says that I project.  And I do.  I think I know what someone else is thinking.  I think I know what someone else is feeling.  Sometimes I forget that other people have feelings too.  Sometimes if someone doesn't respond to my email, I think they are thinking something derogatory or negative about me or the email.  Sometimes if I see someone reads my blog all the time and never comments, I begin to worry that they sit there in judgment of weaknesses come to the front of my mind.  Those inner scattered I am, how little thought I may have put into something, how disorganized I am...

Jason is taking the girls camping next weekend.  We were all supposed to go with the homeschool neighbors, but we can't find a campground where we can take our dog and still be able to swim and do other activities.  We can't leave Ollie in the car and we aren't comfortable with tying him up at the campsite.  We don't want to overstay our welcome with our neighbors since we ask them to walk him when we go to the lake....  So, I have {generously} volunteered to stay home with our dog.  And one thing lead to another and I decided to invite some of my homeschool mom friends over.  Several with whom I am close and a few others that I know casually but would like to know better.  As soon as the evites went out, I thought, 'Oh, No, they are going to think it's weird that I sent them an invitation.  They aren't going to come!  They are going to think... '

Within minutes I got two excited, happy, can't-wait responses.  I relaxed.

My brother and I fought like cats and dogs as kids, but as young adults we were really close.  We shared a lot.  Ok, to be honest and fair, my brother had a girlfriend that Jason and I adored.  The four of us were like a team...we did a lot together.  We hung out all the time.  We had secret jokes.  We just all connected.  That girl broke my brother's heart.  A few months later, she realized what she had messed up and came back, but my brother was afraid of that pain again and ... they didn't get back together.
Christmas Rambo

My brother's wife is QUITE different from that girl.  My brother's wife is very quiet and reserved.  I tend to be touchy-feely, loud and I like to have fun.  I don't understand quiet and reserved.  I think quiet and reserved means that you don't want to be there, you are not engaged, you are detached, cold, stand-offish.  I always think those quiet, reserved people think I am nuts, obnoxious.... I am learning this is not necessarily the case.  Learning, praying and learning.  Ok, well maybe they think I am nuts, but maybe they aren't cold and detached.
Fun in Ikea
Sometimes I think you all think I am nuts...well, ok maybe I am!

My brother and I have grown apart a lot over the years...mostly because I don't understand his wife.  My brother and his wife are very career-driven.  It's all about the next move in building their careers...and I am, basically, a stay at home mom.  My brother has made comments about how I have a degree that I never used.  Little things.  They add up...we grew farther apart.

Lately, though, we have been working on it.  My mom has been praying and God has been working in my brother and I.  We are calling each other a bit.  Last summer, my brother's wife actually called and invited us for a barbecue!  My brother and his wife are trying to sell their condo and buy a house...I have been listening to their frustrations with the real estate market.
My brother and I, yeah, maybe you can tell why a quiet, reserved woman wouldn't want me around...ahem!

Today, my brother and I had a conversation that blew my projection for how he felt out of the water.  I thought my brother, a high school English teacher, felt that every single kid should go to college.  But he told me, without any prompting, that there are just some kids who shouldn't go to college.  They are not into it.  It's not for them, you can tell.  He said that it frustrates him that their parents push so much.  I interjected that I feel our society looks at it as though without a degree, you are nothing and you will never amount to anything or get a good job.  My brother said that he agrees that society feels that way, but it's not so.  There are good jobs out there for people without degrees, we need to stop looking down on those jobs as though they are beneath us and start realizing that they are a way to make an honest living.  We went on to discuss the changes in our economy and how there just are not enough white collar jobs for all of the people with college educations and we need to start thinking differently about blue collar jobs.  WOW!  So, my projection was wrong...what else have I been wrong about?

There is another relationship...someone who did hurt a lot of people, but someone that I was very close with at one time...please pray that I know how to proceed with that...please pray for clarity for me in this situation.  Thank you!