Tuesday, June 28, 2011

When Our Children Don't Feel Well

One of the things that draws me to blogs is the voyeuristic look into other peoples' lives.

I am more drawn to blogs that give a glimpse of what someone's life is like than just fact-based blogs.  Reality.  Real life.  Struggles.  We all have them.  So often I feel like people in our society would rather say, my life is great!  I think online social networking lends itself to promoting just the great things you want people to know: I got a raise and a promotion!  I bought a flat panel TV and I'm going to Belize!  You don't publicize that your boss demeans you or that you live paycheck to paycheck.  I mean, who wants to hear that stuff?  But sometimes I think when we just focus on all the good, then people start to feel bad that they aren't buying a Denali and sipping Rum Runners in the Caribbean.

So~without further ado...

Sickness has permeated our home.

Not a real dire sickness.  Thank God.

Just a stomach bug.
although at 3am, this mama's heart started fretting that it was spinal meningitis because my girl kept crying that her back and neck hurt.
and my fingers quickly ran over my keyboard to check the symptoms of spinal meningitis: yup she has them!

The other day, I had a conversation with my boss about women with careers vs. family and how I couldn't do it, something would suffer.
Even if I wasn't the one who took time off from a career to stay home, if my kids were sick, I would have a hard time focusing on anything else.
Indeed, I feel powerless today.
My girl is sick.
She can't keep anything down and she has body aches and a fever and chills.
And there is not a darn thing I can do about it, but pray that she feels better.
Believe me, I know, this is nothing compared to what other mothers go through when their children are sick with much more complicated things.  I think of my friend whose son has leukemia; another mom I know whose son had lymphoma.  I thought of Rachel at finding joy and what she went through all those months that her son's celiac disease went un-diagnosed and even what she goes through now.
I facebooked my boss at 3am, because I had not had any sleep.
I had been sitting in the bathroom all night with my girl.
Listening to her cry and trying to soothe her and feeling so inadequate and helpless.

As luck would have it, today is the first day of my summer programs.
But my boss was understanding.
We worked it out.
I am so blessed to have a job where everyone feels that my kids come first; it was what they told me when I was hired and they have never wavered: your family comes first.  it's never an issue for me to take off if my family needs me.  So blessed.

There is something about my kids being sick that makes me want to clean my house.
I spent Sunday cleaning while Jason took the girls to the swim club.
But today, I am noticing everything I missed.
I am noticing every speck of dust.
I m berating myself for spending more time on my computer and less time scrubbing my house.
What kind of mother am I?

Of course, I know that this is all really because I am powerless over my girl's sickness, but I can do something about the hardwater stains in my tub.