Monday, June 10, 2013

Something happened...

I was getting a ridiculous amount of spam comments on here.  I switched to Disqus, so the spam stayed on Blogger and I didn't have to weed through it, just delete it all.  But, depending on their browser, not everyone could comment.  But, I felt as though since people may get an email when I replied on Disqus, I was not just talking to myself...let's face it, we don't always have time to go back and check if someone responded to our comment on a blog...and then it's a little like the blogger talking to themself...what is the point, really?

Then, a few weeks ago, as I was writing a post, Blogger kept telling me that I was signed out of my account.  When I signed back in...the post was gone.  nada.  nowhere to be seen.  Frustrating.

I thought about switching to bluehost, self-hosting a Wordpress blog.  But, first of all, I always liked this free blog because if I stop will still be here and my girls may find it in 20 years when they are young moms and understand me better or remember something from our life...I don't know, something like that.  Makes sense to me in some sentimental way.

Also, at one time, I was really into blogging...but now life has taken me in a new direction.  We are busier.  Other interests, things take up the time blogging once did...

A friend advised me to change my Google account password and uncheck the box to have my blog listed and searched and archived or whatever by Google to avoid the spam and maybe the getting kicked off (possibly bots were signing in and kicking me off???).

Something happened.

It was liberating.

Since Google is not listing and crawling and searching and archiving my blog...I feel more free.  Free to share whatever was on my mind, whatever was going on in our lives, whatever I was thinking or feeling or doing or seeing or personal posts are not taking up the search engines' time and energy and I feel more free to post whatever I want...

It was like when I first started blogging.

I didn't realize how much I missed that.

I didn't realize how much the pressure of ALWAYS trying to be relevant or inspiring or to teach or inform or whatever was zapping the joy out of blogging for me.

I have a blog friend who has decided to put a lot of work and effort and energy into going big or going home and it's worked for her.  In her kindness, she has sent me emails of encouragement and told me things she was learning.  She did this all to be kind, to share.  And oftentimes I took it to heart, not really thinking about what I was sort of like, if you are going to do might as well DO THIS.  

But it stopped feeling authentic or genuine at some point.  I started saying things and writing things that were not really true to who I am, but were what I knew readers wanted.  I believe so strongly in being open and I was open to change...but it wasn't a real change, it was a forced change.  Kind of like when I had a baby girl and decided I needed to be more the fashionable mom who gets her nails done and goes to the gym and talks the talk instead of the natural, comfortable arty mom who can't have nails because she is always getting her hands dirty and prefers yoga over "the gym".  It wasn't real or authentic or true to who I am.

But hitting that DO NOT LIST ON GOOGLE made me feel like I could once again be ME! And just write from the heart about whatever without worrying about Google crawling over stuff that is not relevant to the masses.

UPDATE: I am sad to say that I am still getting Spam comments AND I got "signed out" of Blogger again while working on a new post...but when I went back it was still there ALMOST where I was when I got signed out!  Aaaaghh!  I don't know what to do...I don't know that I am THAT into blogging that it pays to make a whole switch, but I am sure if this signing out keeps happening I will probably just give up altogether...and I don't really want that either!