Sunday, September 22, 2013

For All of You Who Hate to Travel

I am not a traveler.  I've said it before, I will say it again.  I am afraid of flying, my sleep and digestion get screwed up when I travel.  I like my bed, my life, my routine, my friends, my predictable, stable little life.  But.....I want my girls to know that a great big world exists filled with all kinds of people and places.  I want them to experience different cultures.  I want them to see rocky mountains and beautiful vistas and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is something greater than us out there that created all of this--this beauty is not happenstance, it was formed and created.

So, I keep telling myself how important it is that we travel a little as I pop xanax in anticipation of this flight--I didn't always fear flying, it's mostly after several planes crashed into the Atlantic in the last couple of years.

We found out this week that Jason's car needs some repairs.  it turned out not to be as expensive as I had feared, but it threw me for a loop...and seemed like a good reason to cancel the trip for a day or two.... ;-)

I lay awake at night worried there will be a hurricane while we are away....the last two years our state was pummeled pretty bad in hurricanes.

I am at a point where I am saying "when we get back".  And I hate that.  I hate putting stuff off.  "When we get back, I will plan a Girls Weekend with friends (for some reason going to a hotel at the Jersey shore for a weekend isn't the same as traveling further away)".  "When we get back Allie will start Algebra".  "When we get back we will go here or do this or do that".  "When we get back maybe we will start looking for a dog or make a decision about fostering dogs".  "When we get back....".

Oh and the whole grocery thing that last week.  I despise that.  Eat what is in the fridge or cupboard because no sense buying more or opening a new package when we will be away and it will go bad/get stale.

The truth is I am a homebody.  The truth is I am crazy enough to love grocery shopping and cooking big meals and making a home for my family.  The truth is I would rather paint furniture and make elaborate meals and spend a day laying in bed with a good book than traveling.  The truth is I like to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground.  The truth is I don't like being far away from home.  Home provides safety and stability that I need.

I worry that we would be at war with Syria when we fly.  Hijackers.  Chemical weapons at airports.

I worry that our government will shutdown...part of our plan is to visit a National Park.  I called the other day, hoping they would tell me not to worry, they won't close.  But no, they said, "We have been told to tell callers to keep an eye on the news and call a couple of days before they are due to arrive and we can give them more information then.  We will reach out to you if we know that we will be closed during your stay and we will refund the money for your stay here."

So, we are in limbo.  If the park closes, we will postpone the trip.  And I will continue to say, "when we get back..." until we actually take the trip and come back.

And I know I have it good.  I am lucky to be able to travel.  I am fortunate to have this opportunity.  I believe in positive energy and I am trying really hard to hang on to positive things.  But anxiety is a slippery slope...

I know we will have fun and make memories and hopefully take amazing photos that we can frame.  I keep telling myself that.  I look around my home for where I can hang pictures of this trip.  I imagine the photo books of this trip.  I imagine how funny my husband is on car rides.  I imagine my girls' awe and my husband's eyes shining when we see certain sites.  I look forward to the memories we will create.  I pray for our safety.  That's how a homebody gets through traveling.