Jason's DAD

My father-in-law passed away yesterday.

He wasn't my husband's biological father, but he was his Dad.

Dick taught Jason to fish and swim and play baseball.

He built Jason and his brother a fort and they made a sign: No Girls Allowed (except they spelled Girls wrong :)  I have photos of that in an album, I have to dig them out.

He built Jason and his brother and their friends a huge half pipe to skateboard on.

He told Jason not to "Burp, fart or curse" around girls.

He taught Jason to be a gentleman and to open doors for ladies.

When Jason and I had a fight, he would go to Dick and Dick would give him advice.

My mother-in-law would get mad at us and stop talking to us for months, but Dick always called even when she wasn't talking to us, even against her wishes.

Dick felt the whole "stop talking" thing was not how a family should act.
Family was family and if you loved someone you got over stuff and kept them close.

When I first started dating Jason, Jason's mom wouldn't talk to me.  I would offer to help in the kitchen and she would not say one word to me.  I would just do stuff and hope I was helping.  But Dick was always friendly and nice.  He knew I was uncomfortable and he would

make jokes and tell stories about how he danced with Cher and got bitten by a shark.

He used to make these wild concoctions when we were dating, like blue cheese and peanuts and I would try them because I didn't want to be rude.  

He later admitted it was all a test.

We still laughed about that together right up until a few weeks ago.  

He said I should have seen my face!

I was always REALLY allergic to their dogs (Springer spaniel mixes) and would have really bad allergy attacks when I was at their house.  One time my father-in-law got the idea that I needed to eat onions to help with my sinus issues, but he mixed the onions with raisins to taste better and put salt and pepper on it.
It was pretty good.  But then, I like raw onions.

He loved baseball.

He's responsible for my love of Jimmy Buffett.

My niece put a photo of Dick on Instagram and said: Rest in Paradise.  I thought that was appropriate.  I hope he does.

He loved babies.

And toes.

He used to laugh at my pinky toe when I was barefoot.  Sometimes he would ask to see it just because he thought it was so funny looking.

My girls remember that he taught them to play marbles.
My niece emailed me and said she remembered him teaching her to play marbles.
Pretty great legacy to leave behind:
The Man Who Taught Me to Play Marbles.
He never understood why kids didn't still play marbles because it was such a great game that you could play anywhere!

Dick LOVED kids.

All the neighborhood kids used to come over his house.  My brother in law was grown and it was not uncommon to go there and find a couple of 10 or 11 year olds chatting about baseball or whatever sport they played with my father-in-law on the porch.

He also loved Halloween and many Halloweens he took a picture of every trick-or-treater.  Going through those photos is a trip.  We just laugh.  No one can tell who most of the people are.

He believed strongly in home-made costumes.  One year, when Jason was little, he wrapped ivy all around Jason and said he was a plant.

Dick and Jason had some rough patches during Jason's teen years.  

Dick had some demons of his own.

After my mother-in-law passed away, Jason and Dick got closer.

Dick would call Jason and say, "Did you call me?"  

Knowing Jason had not, but wanting to talk.

And they would talk.

Jason called Dick more often, too.

They were able to talk in a way they had not been able to before.

Dick never said anything, but Jason realized that Dick did not have to be there for him.

The story Jason's mom told was that she and Jason and Jason's older brother met Dick at a party.  Jason was a cute, chubby, blonde three year old and Dick played ball with him and thought he was adorable.  He used to stop by my mother-in-law's little bungalow in Long Beach, California and ask to play with Jason.  My mother-in-law said Dick liked Jason first.  Then he asked her out.  They were together for over 25 years until my mother-in-law passed away, but she always said that Dick loved Jason first.

Dick was there for Jason.
He treated Jason like a son.
Jason thought of him as his father.
Love matters more than blood in a family.

Dick was Jason's

DAD.

1000

My husband is passionate about trees.

He believes that trees make the world a better place.

They produce oxygen, provide shade, prevent erosion, provide homes for animals.

At night, when we sit on our deck, my husband often talks about how not that long ago a squirrel could just jump from tree to tree and go several miles that way.

Jason likes to imagine what the world looked like before it became so developed.

Several years ago, Jason set the goal of planting 1000 trees in his lifetime.

It seemed quite lofty at the time.

I wasn't quite sure how he would pull it off.

This weekend Jason exceeded that goal of planting 1000 trees in his lifetime.

We've planted trees at our home and given trees to people as gifts.

Jason's planted trees at work and at the girls' school (when they were in school).

Jason volunteers on our town's Shade Tree Commission.

Last year, Jason procured 75 trees from a grant program and the Girl Scouts and our homeschool group planted them in a local park.

This year, Jason procured over 900 saplings from a state program to help replace trees that were lost as a result of Hurricane Sandy.

Jason, the girls and I and several members of the Shade Tree Commission handed these small saplings out events in and around our town this weekend.

Jason educated people on the importance of planting trees and how to properly plant and care for a small sapling or a larger tree.

We had several varieties of trees from silky dogwoods, which are a shrub to different kinds of oak trees that will grow quite large.

Jason and the other members of the Shade Tree Commission helped people pick which kind of tree or trees were right for their property.

Between these two projects and various other projects Jason has been involved in, plus all of the trees he has planted on our property, he has far exceeded planting 1000 trees in his lifetime.

So, now he is working on a new goal.

He would like to see more and more trees planted.

He knows it will never be wooded again, the way it was before the area became so developed, but if he can convince people to plant more trees, he will feel he has left the world a better place.

Fear: A Stream of Consciousness

The last year was tough for my family.  My uncle became ill suddenly and passed away within 5 months of diagnosis.  We were very close and his illness and death has taken a toll on me and my family.  The day my uncle passed away, my husband was having emergency surgery.  It was a difficult emotional period.

I have always had issues with anxiety, but I think after going through something like our family went through the last year you spend a lot of time wondering what the next BAD thing will be.  You don't want to let yourself get excited about something or be happy for fear it can be taken away again.  You realize how fragile and delicate life is and yes, you appreciate it more but you also realize how quickly things can change.  Life can change on a dime.

Jason is an amazing father, he ALWAYS puts the girls and I first.

Lately I have been living in constant fear of something happening to my husband.  I am probably driving him a little nuts with all my warnings and concerns.  My husband is an arborist, a tree expert.  He used to climb trees and prune them and take out dead branches to keep trees healthy and to ensure the safety of people walking under the trees.  He still does that when there are crazy storms.  I am proud that my husband braves all kinds of weather conditions and has access to roads when others don't so that he can get downed trees off of powerlines.  But it also scares me that the roads are unsafe, the conditions he works in are unsafe.  I pray for his safety at those times constantly.

A bigger part of my husband's job is to scout large properties like golf courses and country clubs, universities and sculpture gardens, arboretums and parks, and make recommendations.  He spends much of his time walking properties, examining plants, taking photos and writing reports.  He spends some of his time releasing beneficial insects, using equipment to loosen and invigorate soil around plant roots, writing watering programs and pruning and shaping shrubs and small trees.  But, he spends 10-20% of his time using pesticides to kill insects that are eating up foliage, herbicides to kill weeds, fungicides to kill fungi and fertilizers to make the soil nutrient-rich for the plants and trees.  This makes me extremely nervous.  We've discussed it and he's admitted that he doesn't like doing it, but that he loves his industry and this is the kinds of jobs that are available.  He's tried sales and the stress of quotas and numbers and formulas, he feels cause stress on his body that are as detrimental as spraying chemicals.  He always says he could never handle working in an office all day, he NEEDS to be outside.  I know I am making him crazy mentioning this all the time and how scared it makes me.

I love my husband.

Jason has always been there for me.  It is uncanny how he knows what I need and how he balances me out.  What concerns me, he takes in stride and offers a new perspective on; and what concerns him, I can offer a different perspective on.  This September will be 20 years since our first date and next month will be 21 years since we first met.  It's been 23 years since I used to notice him at the gas station he worked in with his long blond hair and bad boy attitude.  We have grown together in ways I never would have imagined.  We share a love of yoga, photography and craft beer.  He is interested in what we are learning in homeschooling and often picks up adult non-fiction books on the topics we are learning about so he can be part of the discussion.  I know he is a little uncomfortable because he didn't finish college, but honestly I don't know anyone who values education more or who challenges themselves more than Jason does...his reading choices are almost always classics or non-fiction and he seeks out people who are scholars on topics that interest him to discuss and learn more.

Jason has always encouraged me to do anything I wanted and he's always supported my dreams.  I feel bad that he has to work so hard for our family while I just work part-time and homeschool, but he says it gives him a sense of pride to work for our family.

Jason always protects us and makes us feel safe.

I want to make all of my husband's dreams come true.  I wish he could stay home with us and homeschool with us.  I wish money were no big deal and unnecessary.  But we need to pay the mortgage and feed the fam.

I know that pesticides and fertilizers are dangerous and harmful.  I make conscious choices to buy organic food for our family.   But I understand that advances are being made, Jason now injects some of the more harmful chemicals directly into the tree or the root system, thus he has less exposure and so do other passersby and the environment is less affected.  But, every time I get on facebook and see someone has posted something about pesticides or Monsanto or GMOs, I have an anxiety attack.  I do believe that it's good that the public is aware of this and I do want to believe the American people can make a difference and change things (although it seems lobbyists' money talks and our politicians care more about that than what the American people want).

I think part of my fear is rooted in fact and what I see on Facebook about Monsanto, GMO labeling, etc. and part of my fear is based on the emotions of losing a loved one in the last year.  I have been giving a lot of thought to deleting my facebook account.  I'm kind of over it.  It causes a lot of stress. It seems to be a breeding ground for dissent and disagreement with all of the political and religious image and quote repostings.  BUT it's the only way I keep in touch with some people AND our homeschool group posts trips and outings ONLY on facebook.

All I can do is pray.  Pray for my husband's health and safety.  Pray that our country outlaws GMOs and approves food labeling.  Pray that facebook implodes.

To Move or Not to Move

When I was a child I couldn't get enough Little House on the Prairie.  I wanted to BE Laura Ingalls Wilder.  I wanted to live in a cabin and churn my own butter and can my own preserves and run through tall grasses and go fishing in a creek.  No joke.  It was my fantasy.

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When I met Jason I kind of knew we were destined because he shared my fantasy.  Together we dreamed of taking our kids and living like the Wilderness Family or Mountain Family Robinson.  You remember those {awesome, spectacular, cheesy} movies from the 70s where the family left the smog of LA and moved to the wilderness and met a scraggly mountain man and befriended a bear?  (Ah, to have grown up in the 70s!).  Grizzly Adams.  Across the Great Divide.  We had awesome movies to grow up and dream with in the '70s.

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After I graduated from college, Jason and I moved in together...as far out in the country as possible while still being close enough to get to work.

I will never forget the first time Jason's grandmother saw our first apartment, she asked Jason why he wanted to live "in the sticks"?

These were our neighbors in that first apartment:

Our first house was 2.8 miles up a mountain road and we loved it.  It was a 200 year old farmhouse that was built on top of a mountain.  We had an old foundation on our property and when we built our dog run, we found old, broken china cups and dishes that someone had buried.  More than half of our three acres were wooded and I used to lay in bed in the morning and watch deer jump up and pull down branches from trees in winter looking for food.  I saw a baby squirrel and its' mama from my bed one morning, too.  There were several horse farms on our streets and it was not uncommon to hear the clop-clop-clop of horses hooves going by--a sound I had grown up with and always found comfort in.

an aerial photo of our first home in New Milford, CT.

But, when Allie was a baby and my mom was diagnosed with cancer for the second time and Jason wanted to change jobs...we decided to move back to New Jersey.  At the time we had been soured on whole weekends spent on yard maintenance, hefty plowing bills for the driveway for winter and spending money just on maintaining an old house.  We wanted a home with sidewalks so little Allie could ride a scooter or Big Wheel or Green Machine or bicycle.  We wanted a low or no maintenance home, so we could have money for extras and time to enjoy them.  We wanted to be near family.  So we bought a house in a town with lots of mature trees.

We have great neighbors and sidewalks for the girls to play on and friends whose houses they can walk to.  Cutting the grass takes less than 2 hours on the weekend and a snowblower easily cleans the driveway.  We like being close to good restaurants and a university; we enjoy and take advantage of many of the opportunities of a more urban environment.  Jason and I are both involved with the town, I work at the library and Jason has set goals for our town's Shade Tree Commission and is working toward meeting them.  We have friends.  We have a great life.  We are very happy here.  Our mortgage is close to being paid off.

But lately - for about a year now - every once in a while we start looking to move to an area with more space, with rolling hills, where we can have a couple of acres.  Allie has proven herself a great "critter-keeper" and would love chickens.  Jason wants to not hear the neighbors cutting their grass, he yearns for peace and quiet on a summer morning, just sipping coffee and looking at trees (my husband is OBSESSED with trees--crazy man!).  I like the calm that comes over me driving up and down rolling hills, the peace I feel in nature, the freedom of having more space between us and other people.  And so we look for houses...

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Allie would like to move because she wants to care for chickens.  Piper just says, emphatically, "We are NOT moving."  Allie looks for houses on Realtor.com all the time.  We tell her all the time "Make Us Move" show us that house that will seal the deal and make all the annoyance of selling and packing and unpacking and settling in and learning a new house worth our while.

This one is in our price range and Allie thinks it would be "PERFECT!" (see the chicken coop back there?)  but I really don't want to have to maintain ALL those buildings!

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But I certainly would NOT mind having this view:

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I admit I love fixing up houses.  It's great fun!  But I also love that this house is almost exactly the way we want it.  We've finished the basement, added a deck, remodeled the bathrooms, installed all new windows and a new roof and we've done quite a bit of landscaping.  We are comfortable here, we really like our house, it's cozy and comfortable and perfect for us.  We like our neighbors a lot and for the most part our neighborhood is really quiet.  Our girls take classes at the university nearby and we love having theatre and really good restaurants and even Manhattan so close.  We chose this particular area 10 years ago because it has easy access to many major roads and you can get to a lot of places fairly easily and quickly (the beach & Manhattan in 40 minutes; the mountains in 45 minutes; Philly in an hour).  This easy commutability comes at the expense of being more crowded, more densely populated.  You have to move more than another half hour from all these things to get an area where you can have rolling hills and 2+ acre parcels of land.

The idea of selling a house, keeping it neat, having people look at it, the stress of that (I've done it twice and it's not fun!) is overwhelming.  The idea of packing, hiring movers, worrying about all the logistics.  We almost got sued the last time we sold a house and that had my anxiety at a high (fortunately the people did not have a case, but they were the type to try).

But, we feel called to a more rural area...and so we keep looking...we figure if the right house comes along we will know it.  A craftsman-style bungalow with lots of character on a couple acres would probably do it....

World Trade Center Memorial Documentary

I am sick with the flu.  I went in and added a bit to this post that I had posted a while back.

*  *  *  *

My husband is an arborist.  Several years ago things were going really, really well for us and suddenly that came to a grounding halt that rocked our world.  It was one of those times when you don't know why God has you on a certain path, but you just trust...it turned out that God's plan was for my husband to be part of the World Trade Center Memorial in Lower Manhattan.  Once that happened, it felt like his whole life, every decision he'd made had lead up to being part of this project.  It was such an honor to give back like that.

Scott Elliott of 590 Films has been documenting my husband's work from very early on.  Since the Memorial opened we have been working on having Scott film our family's first trip to the Memorial.  I will be honest here, and this may surprise people, I didn't want to go to the Memorial.  It was an emotionally very difficult thing.  Although I had been there many times after the attacks, looked through the fence, saw the armed guards, saw the steel that was left that looked like a crucifix...although I had done all of that, I was not ready to face this new thing, this memorial, which is why it took us a year to do it.

on our way to the Memorial

In the 1940s and 1950s my grandfather owned a barber shop on West Broadway that was torn down to make room for World Trade Center Plaza.  So, in some ways, this neighborhood has always felt a little like part of the family for me.  There are so many family stories about the barber shop, we all have a piece of it in our homes: chairs, bowls, other cool things.

Having Jason be part of the Memorial meant so much to my family as we all have a connection to this neighborhood.

Freedom Tower in the distance

I have lived in New Jersey for most of my life. When I was young and we would go to Manhattan--which was fairly often--I would always look for the Twin Towers.  You could not miss them.  They were, in my opinion, the strongest thing that set the New York Skyline apart from other skylines in other cities.

Now, as we approach the city, we can see the Freedom Tower.  I like it.  It's like a beacon, a sentinel, guarding us and reminding us at the same time.  It stands strong and proud, already taller than the other buildings and they have a few more floors yet to build.

when it is done it will be the tallest building.

It is a little surreal knowing someone is filming your every move.  It is really hard NOT to think about it and to just act naturally.  I was aware of all the little things my kids were doing.  You know, like pushing each other and rolling their eyes at me.

Scott is SUCH a great guy and made us feel really comfortable!

One of the coolest things was that prior to this experience, Piper had been spending a lot of time making videos.  All kinds of videos: stop motion, music videos, interviews, how-to, etc.  I can totally see Piper pursuing a career in documentary film-making.  Scott was really excited about this and she got to talk to him a little bit about what he does.  He said that if she is interested in an internship when she gets a little older, he would have a spot for her!  How cool is that?

when a camera follows you around anywhere, attention is drawn to you

There were a lot of emotions when we were there, from my family's almost century-long connection with the neighborhood to my wishing my Uncle could be there with us.  So often when we would go into the city, we would arrange to meet him, even if just for dinner.  He would have LOVED to be there for this.  He was SO PROUD of Jason.

One of Jason's trees

The trees were powerful for us when we were there.  Maybe because Jason has been involved with them for so long or maybe because they are the first thing you see when you get there.  You hear the rushing water and you see the trees...it has a power to take you out of yourself, to remember not only that day but that there is something greater than us present in this space, in this world.

Hubby's trees

getting mic'd

Looks like the city behind me, right?  But in front of me...it was a peaceful, beautiful oasis in the middle of one of the most influential cities on the planet.

This is what I was looking at as I was getting prepped:

I like how the clouds reflect in the building.

I was surprised at how small the Memorial is.  It is not completely open yet, and even with these big reflecting pools, it feels very intimate.  The combination of trees and rushing water makes it feel peaceful.

The mood is somber, reflective.  We were really aware of where we were and why we were there and what happened there.

it was emotional for both Jason and I when he was standing there with the girls...reflecting on the project, the reason for it, the world...

Jason and the girls at the World Trade Center Memorial

We wish with all of our hearts that there was no need for this Memorial.  We wish that day had never happened.  That day changed the course of every American life.  We live differently now, no longer trusting as much, no longer feeling as safe.  Jason is glad to have been able to be part of the place that people can go to remember the lives lost that day.

World Trade Center Memorial fountains

I will be honest, I feel funny that we are smiling in these photos.  We walked in and it was somber, we were reflective.  But other people were smiling, there is some joy in this space.  I know that may be hard to fathom, but it is there.  When I look at these photos, I think I should not post them because we look happy...but then when I remember being there, I remember that it was reflective and somber, but there is also a certain amount of healing and joy and peace there as well.  It is hard to explain.

I've been through a lot this past year.

The thing I learned is that you do just keep putting one foot in front of the other, breathing.

It seems crazy,

it seems like your world is ending,

yet somehow something takes over when our emotions are raw and we keep going.

and the sun does come out again...

and you see our American flag in the midst of the trees and you vow to yourself and this country, your kids and all that is holy that you are not going to let the dark side win...

you will keep on, keeping on...

when you are in pain,

it sometimes seems wrong that there is still beauty in this world.

and then one day, you can appreciate it again.

This was an absolutely amazing experience that we were blessed to have had an opportunity to be part of.  Not a day went by that we didn't think of the families that were affected by this.  

NEVER FORGET.

Scott Elliott of 590 Films

interviewing the family

After the girls and I did our part, we wandered around while Jason spent some time with the film crew.

Jason is now a pro at putting the mic on

We did a little spying on Jason and the guys making the documentary.

I love that you are invited to touch the names.

I imagined those touches as little hugs, love that maybe could take away some of the pain and fear.

I love the open-ness, the invitation, the understanding that we need to touch these people, we need to touch this place as it has touched all of our lives.

It seems both wrong and right that happiness could be here.

Reflection, absolutely.

World Trade Center Memorial
Lower Manhattan
New York

Understanding, definitely.

It has been an honor for Jason to be part of this project.

To all those who lost a loved one we offer our sincere condolences.

We hope that you find some peace in this Memorial.